AntiBloggerGirl

Insects and the City

2010-06-15T19:49:00.016-04:00

Ok, so at what point am I allowed to stage a protest that I cannot work under the present conditions, I'm leaving, my paycheck should continue to be deposited indefinitely into my account because I am working from home from now on? Is there a manual for this? There should be. I may write it.

Here's the deal. I work in a major city. That city has a major transportation system. In and around that city and transportation system are the many flavored restaurants of a multi-ethnic metro, serving exotic cuisine from far and wide. So what, right?

Well that means that if I want sushi, bam, it's at my finger tips. Need to go across town to catch a sale at lunchtime? Sure! Catch the El, be back in a bit. Want to meet a friend, try on shoes and grab some Thai food before heading back to the grind? No problem.

In a big-ish city, all of those things are possible and more. But there's a price. A well known, but tightly kept secret that some of us part time city dwellers know all too well. All that convenience and wonderfulness attracts others that want a piece of the action. You know who I'm talking about. The ones that show up and stay but don't pay rent. That's right, vermin.

Yes, rats, mice and roaches that are so big and so prevalent that they should have their own offices and get on the 401(k) plan. It's unsightly. It's gross. It freaks me out. Hopefully you've never encountered the likes of these creatures in all your days, but if you have had the misfortune, you know. You just know what I'm talking about.

I'm not even getting into the origins and raison d'etre, they do their thing and we humans we do ours. But man, I still wish they could do theirs in some way that I would never have to know about.

Which brings me back to the insular point of this evening's rant. At what point is enough, enough? Check this out:

What we have here is the demise of Cleophus the Roach. Cleophus started his day like any other. Woke up, tentacled his wife and eggs before leaving out of the soda can for a long days' work at the Chinese food carton. The boss sent him on a special assignment that day though. This project could mean that he and his family would get transferred to the other side of the street where most of the food was pickled! Who knew? The possibilities were endless. Cleophus excitedly tentacled with his work partners and headed up to the office floor to scavenger the area and bring back a report of the findings. He had heard of many others going to the land of the carpets but anything could be up there. Humans, poison, anchovies, anything!

Traipsing off on the call of duty, I'm sure Cleophus had no idea that he (or she, what do I know? Are they identified by gender??) was going to meet with this end of my camera phone and a toilet on this day.

But I ask you, really? I mean, really??

Grossed out? Yeah, well, me too. You understand what I was going in there to do, right? Well I gave Cleophus a proper send off but I'm at my limit. Do not believe for a moment that this was even near the first time or even the most disgusting. At least Cleophus had the decent courtesy to be dead.

Exactly.

So all I'm saying is there's got to be a limit. There's only so many times that I should have to face Cleophus' brethren before it's just too much. I'm traumatized. Everyone else just seems to accept it saying, that well, that's what happens in the city. I'm starting to think that strip malls, huge free parking lots and chain restaurants maybe aren't so bad. Country mice versus gang banging rats? I just don't know anymore...

2010-06-07T19:23:00.002-04:00

I was walking home today and saw this in the sky. Although it's not the best quality pic, I imagine that you were keeping step beside me when I whispered in revered awe, "Are you seeing this?"

Look how the light is just pouring through the clouds and filtering out through the bottom like the cloud simply cannot contain all the goodness coming its way. It's moments like this that I remember and am remind how wonderful the world really is. Yes, I have a weird fascination with clouds. I think they're pretty. :) But there is something so enlightening and wonderful that I see in those wisps of ozone when touched by the light. It warms my heart and calms my day. I marvel at how something can appear so untouched and so perfect.

Does anything touch you in this way?

Airplane Etiquette

2010-05-24T21:40:00.004-04:00

Do you remember when flying in an airplane, for those of you that enjoy traveling and flying, was a pleasant experience in of itself? My memories are filled with in flight movies, actual mini meals snacks, drinks, blankets, earphones, you name it, you got it in miniature form. Granted, I was a grateful passenger in those days, rather than a full fledged, paying adult, but you have to admit, there was something about flying in the days before 9/11.

Now it's understood that you are checking your dignity along with your baggage and clothes at the door. We know exactly how it got to be this way, I'm just bemoaning the lost of decent travel to accommodate the actual destination. The other issue is that, we could probably get over the lost of our modesty and right to privacy if the prices of the tickets had not increased to the sky and we were getting charged for the privilege of, well, everything.

Between new charges attached to the mini bag of peanuts and, most offensively, the baggage to accompany your travel, anyone who would like to explore the world is smacked around with hidden costs here and there where none existed before. I still say that the baggage situation could have been handled better. As passengers who may also read the news and have some inkling about the status of the airline industry may understand why more money is needed to support the conglomerate. But maybe the should have eased us into it. It's one thing to pay $5 per bag to get started; but hitting us with the $20-$25 charges right up front? It's insulting.

So I know that I try to cram everything into my carry on to avoid fees but that is only determined by the length of my trip and how much I need to bring. It's such a pain overall.

We might even get over our lost of privacy if it seemed like it was for a good reason. For all the people that appear on the no fly list, or whose names appear on a list of suspicious persons and cannot travel through our airports, there also seem to be a handful of people who still seem to be able to make it through. There are also plenty of people who accidentally transport forbidden objects that could be used as weapons, only to discover them on the other side of their trip.

So with all this going on, is it too much to ask that passengers observe some basic airplane etiquette to avoid a riot?

1. Try not to hold on too the seat in front of you as you try to heft yourself out of your seat. The seat in front of you is the headrest of another passenger who is not being jerked around because of your resistant center of gravity.

2. Stay in your seat until your row is letting people out; it is rude to jump in the aisle in front of other people. Come on, this is an easy one. Many people have connecting flights. You are just being selfish by pushing into the aisle only to stand there and wait.

3. Stay in your lane. Unless you are cuddling up next to your sweet on the plane, try to stay within the parameters of your arm rests--that includes your feet, knees and the bobbing of your head while sleeping. We know the head-bobbing thing is sometimes unpreventable if you're passed out, but just try.

4. If your music is loud enough to drown out the sounds of the world, your probably drowning out the sounds of your neighbor's world too. This one goes for any mode of public transportation in close quarters. We know you have your headphones in but they are not as far inside of your ears as you think. Please be mindful.

5. Babies crying is also sometimes unavoidable. But your little scamp that is learning to know better, bring along some games or amusing activities. Learning about the birds and the bees was fun the first time, but the 11th? Not so much.

Obviously this is not an exhaustive list and I did not experience all these things during my last trip. But seriously, if more people just thought about the kinds of things that they were annoyed by on various airplane trips, maybe they could see past all their own selfish needs and be a little more considerate. Or at least stop running down the aisle when the place stops. Ya'think?

Random Occurrence - Crab's Play

2010-05-17T21:25:00.006-04:00

At some point in your life, you may have been told not to play with your food--so is it ok if someone else does? Check this out: This is such a random occurrence. Although this particular establishment is indeed a fish market, it's located inside a larger varied market where you can get lunch at different restaurants and from local

merchants. I'm in another line, waiting for my order of grilled salmon from a Thai restaurant, and my friend and I happen to look over at the fish market. These crabs are alive and the man is gently tickling the underbellies of the crabs. As he does, their legs wiggle back and forth in the air.

While I imagine that he does it to entice business, I found it a bit creepy.

Also creepy? When I asked if I could take a picture - he was like, no problem and actually touched the crabbies a little more so they could wiggle-pose for the picture. So random.

Bugged Life

2010-05-10T21:47:00.003-04:00

It's not that I'm into bugs but come on, you have to admit that these close ups of the buggy species are pretty wild.
I was out and about and happened upon these marvels of nature. Check out the attention to detail on the one with the color, above. The delicately scalloped wings appeared completely motionless as I snapped this photo with my camera phone. I imagine the survival instinct of "just stay perfectly still while this human idiot does whatever they're doing and it'll be cool" kicked in.

This chica just seems like she has some serious armored gear. Also still, she didn't even appear to be searching for anything, just waiting for me to get close, take my pic and go on about my business. She's on the side of a newly stuccoed home.

I hope you some times take a look around and check out the life that's passing you by. Sometimes it's actually going pretty slowly or even labored enough for you to catch it. I think a lot of people aren't paying attention. Or they think they are but then their IPhone rings and it's a fragmented thought. Now did those two bugs upon whose species and type I am completely unfamiliar change the course of my day or make me a better person?

Maybe.

Perhaps I look a little closer at the mundane, looking for the extraordinary details. Maybe it leads me to take a couple of picture so I would be inclined to post about it. Indeed, if you're reading this, whenever you're reading this, it may make you appreciate something--something that you would have caught tomorrow, but now understand a day earlier.

A ripple effect of touch and go existence.

Hmm.

Open Palm of Broken Glass

2010-05-04T21:26:00.007-04:00

Looking dead on at this image, it may appear as though a detached hand is offering a palm filling with precious stones. There seems to be some type of dusting around the dark hand and it's peculiar arrangement almost has it's own comment.

Would you believe that this image was snapped just like this in a residential-street parking spot at 6:30 in the morning?

What would you think if I told you this represents a comment on living at the high end of gentrification?

Those shiny looking morsels in the palm of the discarded glove are remnants of a busted car window. There's been a lot of that going around in this neighborhood. About once per week, those walking along this up-and-coming area will see the shattered windshields and windows of smash and grab victims.

That absolutely sucks. Imagine coming out to go to work in the morning and discovering a bunch of jagged glass next to your vehicle. You may look at your car, truck or SUV and wonder, just for a split second, why you can see into your front seat so clearly and without any glare. Then it hits you. Someone busted out your window or part of your windshield. You've been robbed. You're a victim.

You could comfort yourself with the knowledge that at least your car is still here. But I imagine this is the part where you start to wonder what you may have lost and what you left in your car. You're mind is scrambling, thinking about what was in the console or on the seat on the floor that may now be lost.

If this has ever happened to you, especially in your own neighborhood, do you wonder why your car was targeted? Do you finally remember that wallet, cell phone, bag, watch, whatever that you left visible and think that may have been the reason? Don't get me wrong, no one deserves to be a victim of a crime, especially theft of one's personal property. It's not right to make it like the victim is at fault. It just begs the question - what made that thief choose that car?

I venture that it was because of that item, that personal bit of valuable, that someone must have been able to see. And when I continue through my neighborhood I'm wondering about the reason. Is it because this neighborhood is a hot second off the real 'hood? That this neighborhood used to be part of the hood until the middle income folks started to move in? Is it that the economy is so bad that those who were on the edge are now more desperate? Are the perpetrators seasoned criminals who are targeting those who believe they are safe in their gentrified neighborhood? Some of it or all of it?

I don't know. But I do know that I'm tired of seeing the crushed ice of windows and windshields when I walk down the streets. I'm sure the victims are too. We shouldn't have to protect ourselves like that, but we must. Just a thought.

Things for Sale, Need and Want

2010-01-19T12:19:00.008-05:00

As usual, I have linked together some seemingly unrelated morsels of thought and feel the need to share.

I just saw The Book of Eli (decent movie, entertaining and engaging although I have some problems with the implications). While fighting the incoming crowd in order to scurry back to the car, I thought about one brief moment in the movie that stuck with me --as "deep" movies often attempt to do. While describing the era before the tragedy, the main character said something akin to the idea that the population, we, had much more than we needed. This simple concept easily describes our entire generation and point in history. I started thinking about how true this was and let my mental eye gaze over Buddhist philosophy in this respect. I thought about all the things in my house, in my life and on my personal that I have but don't really need. Sure those things make my life easier or more comfortable, or so I think, but I also go through a lot of very extra drama to keep them.

Any day you have not felt like going to work, just because you don't feel like it, is an example of one of those things that one has to do in order to keep your stuff. You go through it because you want to keep your stuff. If you didn't have your stuff, you would be upset because you would want that stuff. The desire to have that stuff, keep it, hold it and share it with others (only when you feel like it), is what drives you to do things that you may not ordinarily do. This is not religious rocket science but sometimes certain thoughts hit you a certain way for a reason.

I periodically wonder about myself, if my building was burning down and I had to leave with my life, what would I grab, what would I take, if anything? I have so many things that are dear to me, I know that I would be one of those people who found found later, burnt to a crisp, holding on to stuffed animals, charred books and linked with ropes and tarnished jewelry. In truth, the last time a fire alarm caused me to exit my slumber and my home, I grabbed pets and purse. I put on only coat and shoes to make for the stairs. I was happy with that at the time. It would only be later that I would mourn for the countless pictures and books of my history. My computer, which has served as an electronic safe and storage for me, would be lost and missed. But I would live and I would be happy with that.

And maybe that's all there is. If one were to reduce their possessions to the essentials, really just the things that s/he would try to take in the event of an emergency...would that sufficiently simplify one's life? How to does one reverse the pining and even the simple convenience of having that stuff? Can you be happier, knowing what you're missing?

With those ideas still lingering in my cranium, I came across an interesting website today through a very interesting post I receive by daily email.

Within these pages lie photos of individuals that are showing the one thing that they have kept through their travels. Centered on a location under a bridge in Texas, the participants count upon their experiences, homelessness, drug addiction, criminal activity, incarceration, redemption, community service and purveyors of the Word. Some of the people have nothing left. Others are the one person for which that object still holds sentimental meaning.

Without realizing it, I do a dress rehearsal for this website every time I think about a fire. The answer all ways changes and the reality, when tested, was far from the stage. Should we choose to reduce what we have to what we need?

From one extreme to the other, hot and cold, yin and yang...where do you fit? Better yet, where do you choose to live and will you change it if you see fit?

Consumeristic Hardships

2009-12-15T13:34:00.003-05:00

Have you heard heard political activists talk about how power lies with consumers? I recently watching a documentary about where our food comes from and part of the message included this very basic theory. Even corporations will co-sign the concept that goods and services evolve and change in response to the need of the consumer, and what that consumer is willing to pay. If this is true, than why are so many of our choices from a cookie-cutter assembly line of options? Why should I have to pay "extra" in order to get exactly what I want? If I am the almighty consumer, why are my needs only met when they fit squarely in line with what a mass of other consumers also need?

In dealing with several companies for business and personal reasons, it is the process and the procedure that reigns supreme. The best thing about having a procedure is that a company does not have to deviate from it (unless it wants to) and has made up what it thinks is a reasonable basis to tell you, the consumer, no to whatever it is that you want that is not in line with the procedure. For that reason, I think that the marketing and ad agencies are more on point with their general philosophies--the consumer is told what s/he wants. The consumer is told that s/he has a choice, but from these very distinct options.

At this point, I'm not even really talking about food, although that's next. What about, say, wireless carriers? Who makes the most money from a standard practice of wireless phones being offered through wireless carriers? And in order to lower the price of the phone, a consumer must agree to a one or two year deal. You like that phone but you don't like that deal? Ok, go to another carrier. They offer the same phone but a different priced deal. Ok, so you don't mind the deal, but you have an estimate of how much you will be on the phone. Can you get a plan for about 550 minutes per month? No, you take the 700 minute deal. Well what if I never use those extra 150 minutes that I'm paying for (because remember, you know how much you use)? Can I keep the minutes for another month? Nope, we don't do that on this plan, try another carrier.

But why isn't your plan an equal exchange of the services you want and what you're willing to pay for? You don't go watching television on your phone so why do you have to pay for a "bundled" ability that you don't even want? Because that's the plan (the procedure) and this is just how it is.

What about the phone itself? What if you really like the phone but think the service that offers wireless sucks? So maybe you get a little bold and purchase a phone that's been unlocked and go to the wireless carrier of your choice? What if that phone starts acting up? Your fancy wireless carrier won't touch it because they cannot guarantee a phone that they did not issue. It's all hands off because, well, that's against company policy. And you're left holding a brick of a phone that doesn't work and that will cost more than the phone to have anyone repair it.

Sick of talking on the phone? What if you're in an area that only has one cable provider, one utility provider for gas, electric and water? What then? Where does your consumeristic integrity go now? When you get fed up with the antics of the company you deal with; who do you run to? Oh there might be some smaller company but you don't even know about it because they cannot afford the type of advertising to get in your face like the big guys do so forget about it.

It's a shame and it happens all the time. These aren't even my personal gripes, but I'm familiar with the syndrome. At this point, I think an advocate would now say that it's the consumer's responsibility to know, to question, to research and to find out what's really going on, at least to the best of their ability. But, asking the relatively normal if not a little antisocial folk who may happen upon this post, do you? Do you seek out all these answers and tend to walk the road less travelled? Do you have the energy to keep up the fight?

What happened to mutual responsibility?

I'm ok with the reality of it, really, but don't blow smoke up my butt and tell me that I'm in a sauna, ok? I'm the kind of person that responds to the upfront approach of getting screwed. The customer's always right? Fat chance.

All I Want for Christmas

2009-12-13T07:22:00.004-05:00

All I want for Christmas is my san-it-y
My san-it-y, yeah, my san-it-y
All I want for Christmas is my san-it-y
So I can wish you Happy New Year

Happy Holidays. :D (LOL)

Midsensitized

2009-12-08T14:24:00.003-05:00

That is, instead of desensitized, I'm thinking about how I am probably midsensitized to the violence of the world. For those of us who read the headlines of the day, how can you stand it? When you read the blurb about people who were killed in Pakistan, or some other place outside your time zone and country of origin, do you cry? Do you shake your head in sadness or disgust? Do you do anything at all? Or are you like me and try to avoid reading those particular articles in depth? Do you wonder what you can do to stop the killing and the violence or do you wonder what, if anything, it has to do with you?

Being super exposed to all the violence in the world has done something to me. It's not that I don't care. It's not that I don't think those people are important because I do. Just because I don't know their names, does not mean that some one's beloved wife did not just get shot in the midsection and is bleeding to death. That some one's son and only child is not obliterated by a car bomb that prevented his mother from burying him intact. But how can I mourn for all those people who are a victim of violence and war everyday and still live in the now of my own life? Is reading the headlines enough? Is cringing from them enough?

I don't know that getting all of the latest news, via satellite, web-enabled phone and the plain old Internet is the only factor contributing to my absolute lack of anguish about the killing, torture and ill-positions of innocents (or at least, non-parties to the dispute that got them killed). I think it's the shear volume of it. If we really took the time to think about how many babies are starving as we go to fast food joints and how many young fathers barely escaped with their lives after going to market that one fateful day, I think we would collapse with the weight of it. There's just too much negative and gritty stuff going on. Our fragile minds can't take it.

So what do some of us do to cope? Scan the headlines. Think briefly on the personal affect of the tragedy. Avoid reading the whole article to avoid the hurt. Because for every action, there is a reaction. And as hard as it is to stomach, sometimes bad things have to happen for good things to blossom. Here's hoping the rest of your day is free of violence and negativity. What are you going to do with it?

War on Skinny Girls

2009-12-07T00:09:00.004-05:00

Not you, actual skinny girl, me and my inner skinny girl who is dying (dieting?) to make an appearance. Why is the world out to get me and sabotage my skinny girl-ness? And for that matter, how is this state of affairs remotely acceptable?

Being on a weight loss plan (i.e. calorie-loss plan), I have slowly but concretely lost 27 pounds and counting. We are about half way to the goal and the road is tedious and treacherous. But thinking about my dinner tonight and my overall management of this project, I was thinking about the entrees that I avoided. We ate out tonight and I chose what I like to call one of the chubby girl menu selections. Just face it, if you're getting the "reduced carb", "healthy option" or "calorie conscious" option, you must be trying to lose weight. It's ok, I'm right there with you.

When I think about normal meals though, I'm considering getting certain things and only eating half of it at a time. Although part of my struggle is portion control, the other reason to constantly half your entree is because there may be about half of your entire daily recommendation on that one plate. Now I'm willing to do this as I am a lady who likes normal food, but it begs the question(s): How do restaurants even get away with serving single dishes with more than 1,000 calories, with high fat and carbs? How did it become acceptable to even try to feed people so much at one time? Even if people want the psychological satisfaction of eating a large meal, why hasn't the food industry just become healthier in general? And in a world that promotes the skinniest "you" possible, why are other industries completely opposed to supporting this concept? Being skinny was supposed to mean never eating in nice and "normal" restaurants? Come on!

So because my world revolves around me (yes, I just type what you're thinking), why is there a war on my skinny-girl?? It seems like part of the reason that people even have to go on diets is due to their relatively normal eating habits being injected with ridiculous amounts of fat and calories. For instance, salad dressing--how did regular salad dressings get to be so fatty that diet folk have to avoid them or actually have single tablespoon? They were created for salads for goodness sake! The food industry created something to fatten up salads?

Have you seen that commercial about the Buttertons? It's a black and white imagery of a Leave it to Beaver -looking family at the dinner table being served baked potatoes with two bright yellow sticks of butter coming out of the top. I will concede that back in the day, yester-year, whatever you want to call "a long time ago", people cooked and served for the taste with little regard for total health of the person. Not to say that this research didn't exist but let's just give them a pass to say that all the parameters were not in place. Taking a look back though should not be confused with looking around today. We know better. They know better. And the messages are inconsistent.

I would be remiss if I failed to mention the revenue generation associated with most of my previous post. Remember the Oprah-Red Meat Industry battle? Take a look at the origins of the dairy industry, their political connections and how many servings you were told to have per day. But this is research for you to absorb in your own time. The work has already been done so get yourself educated. But I digress...

This is my formal registration of outrage that my quest to lose weight is literally a war against the food industry. The espionage is lethal--the supposition of seemingly safe items only remain so with ridiculously minuscule portion sides. I'm spying every time I review a nutritional label to determine the possibly and frequently of intake. The daily surveillance maneuvers accumulate in calorie tracking and monitoring. I perform counterintelligence attacks with regulated use of a elliptical machine and massive fluid consumption (water only, drinks with calories are costing me food!).

It's serious. I'm joking, but really I'm not. Think about it, if you've ever had to consider your weight. My inner skinny girl rages against the machine. The battle continues...

Silly Goose

2009-12-04T12:54:00.003-05:00

How can we make more cultural items palatable to younger audiences?

I just watched The Muppets doing Bohemian Rhapsody. Check it out at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY&feature=player_embedded. (If you have a hard time getting the link to load, keep trying, it's worth it.) I'm thinking about how some understandings, bits of knowledge and art slipped into my psyche benignly through vehicles such as Jim Henson and Bill Cosby. To be forthright, I am one of those adults that watch cartoons on a daily basis--not all cartoons, but you know, the good ones (i.e. the ones meant for adults). I am always going to be one of those people who get a kick out of puppets and other inanimate objects performing Shakespeare. I like the fun of it and the silliness. I like that it has a basis in history and culture. I like learning--which makes me think that I should change my question to a memorable concept:

Children are (usually) just as smart as adults, they are just shorter with less experience.

They like the same things (we help teach them) and they learn the same way. Their experience is as limited as their environment makes it. When I am told that I am silly (which is probably even more often than you would think after I've made a comment like that), I am always amused and slightly proud. I'm trying to maintain and cultivate my senses of wonder, amazement and understanding. These states are not exclusive from being a child or an adult but increase your ability for creativity and vibrancy, all of which make for a great life.

If you, you diligent reader you (thanks for holding on while I dive wildly for the point), saw that clip of The Muppets performing Bohemian Rhapsody when you were little you might laugh and chuckle at what those crazy socks were up to this time. Depending on the musical leanings of your environment, you may have heard that song before--but let's say you had not. Let's say this was the first time you heard it. It was so mixed up that you weren't really sure that it was all one song together, especially when you add in all the different characters. But it was, light and colorful and well, whatever it was to you. Many years later, you may hear the song again with your grown up ears and say, hey, I remember that song. Or you see it on VH1 classics and sit down to take in the video. You listen to the words and although a lot less silly than Animal and Ms. Piggy, it's interesting. Once something is interesting to you, the possibilities are endless. You could start looking into the group Queen and discovering that it's your favorite band ever. You could decide that this music moved you in such a way that you will seek out more of it to reproduce the feeling. You might go watch some more of The Muppets' Show to see if there were other bits of interesting that you missed and you want to research more about. Indeed, your direction is only limited by your imagination.

The point is, the introduction to such a item at a young age could precipitate a grander and deeper fulfillment through the years or at the very least, a barometer of your lifelong preferences. This kind of cross hatch of the "serious" and the "absurd" should be broad and plentiful. When I think about all the little things that I learned about "real life stuff" through watching cartoons...and now that I get more of the jokes and the things that really are for adults...well, one wonders how you can even stomach reality television.

I mean, I do watch it all the time, I'm jes sayin'. I could still use a little more silly in my life for prosperity sake. I bet you could too.

Thumb Pricks

2009-11-03T22:07:00.002-05:00

By the pricking of my thumb, something...different this way comes.

Many historical events are converging right now. One of the local city sports teams is on a run for a serious championship. The transportation mechanism has completely halted. Those who fund the systems expect more to get done with less money and hope that a heartfelt "thanks" will keep the workers warm at night (or at least rested enough to come back the next day. People running industries that perform services for individuals accept money, fail to complete work and expect more business and more money.

The world has gone topsy turvy and this isn't all. There's something else.

The question is, do you wait for what's going happen to happen? Do you seek out the change that you've already been waiting for? How, when these things past, do we get our lives back on track?

Forever and Ever Ago

2009-11-02T12:33:00.005-05:00

I feel like it has been absolutely forever since I did anything remotely creative. I've have certainly been taking in lots of stuff, but the output has been shoddy at best.

How does it come to this? How can one or two things in your life completely suck the muse from your being? Does your psyche condone it or do you even know that it's happening? One of the reasons that I have been less inclined to blog is because I feel like my voice has been ripped from me...or have I silenced that part of myself?

I really feel icky at times like these when I don't have anything interesting to say. I mean let's face it, being boring should be a crime. A misdemeanor, issued by fine, but a crime nevertheless. So I offer my pleas to the overlords of the Internet and beg forgiveness for the nonsensical drivel that I'm posting right now, but what can I say? I need to get the proverbial juices flowing once again even though I feel like one of the little twits in a tween novel complaining that nothing ever happens in this town right before the old mill blows up or the vampire descends into their midst.

So I should probably be careful, as this feeling usually means that something is about to happen.

On the other hand, I am experiencing pretty strong emotions right now. Mostly frustration and stifled--I feel more frustrated with myself than anything else because I feel stifled and yet I have not yet made change. I have not made change because that great idea eludes me (for what to change to). I am frustrated because I know I have the brain power to figure this out, but it's not happening.

Now sometimes these epiphanies don't happen for a reason. Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees because you're not ready to see it. If under some circumstances you go ahead and see it, you won't fully grasp and comprehend the coolness of the picture because other things have not yet happened to make you ready. It's like you keep missing this episode of your favorite tv show that you heard was really hilarious. You missed the first airing. You set your DVR and it malfunctioned and recorded some infomercial for 30 minutes. You try to get someone else to tape it for you and now they are so busy that you can't get over to their house. You get so frustrated that you end up reading a freaking book, of all things, just to amuse yourself until you can get your friend on the phone. This book does indeed amuse and delight and you forget about the tv show for at least one night. Then your friend finally checks their voicemail, confirms that they have the show locked and invites you over for laughter, popcorn and alcoholic beverages. While watching the show, you realize that it makes a reference to the very book to just read the other night. You laugh all that much harder because you get the inside joke especially made for the people that have read the book and watched the show. You have a great time with you friend, feel like you cracked the code with your decoder ring and learn this very simple lesson (if you still paying attention):

All things in good time.

Stress Kills

2009-10-14T13:18:00.001-04:00

Literally stress kills. Except it doesn't kill like an axe murderer. Stress is like a betrayed and devastated wife that is feeding you a teaspoon of arsenic carefully mixed in each one of your meals. Slow. Methodical. Deliberate. In fact, stress is so much like this latter kind of murderer that you'll be in cardiac arrest before you know it and at the most inconvenient time (or whatever arsenic in your food does to you).

Like me, I'm sure that stress slaps you around too. At work, at home, in your relationships, with your car. Wouldn't it be interesting though if work was never the element that stressed you out? What if I was always something at home that you couldn't take and you scurried away in your car in the mornings just to get a away from it? Some people do live this way I'm sure, but what if that was the way it was supposed to be rather than the other way around? Would you even bother to live with people anymore?

Ok, I think that home as the stress factor may be a bad example, but I'm just wondering if there are any alternatives to work being the stress-monger or is that just the nature of the beast?

Working to Fulfillment?

2009-10-06T09:03:00.002-04:00

When did working for survival become "doing what you love"? Was it just when we decided we weren't starving anymore or when The Man got a better marketing team?

I think I need to research the origins of the my-job-fulfills-me origin because I'm sure there was a trend and turning point. People (not slaves) were not hoeing the fields and picking the corn saying, wow, I really feel great about my job! In fact, people couldn't have been blacksmith-ing and kilning pots because they loved to be hot and dirty all day.

Our ancestors did what they were good at, what they had a penchant to do. Well, they performed those jobs even if they didn't. If papa was a fisherman, then, well, junior, you better not get seasick. Some little girls never picked up the knack of sewing but like it or not, milking the cows was just going to have to be good enough for her.

On the other hand, they may have felt great about it since they were eating. And further, it may have been great because they were working to support their families and make sure that everyone was eating. But I don't think that in the last couple of centuries people even thought that hard about it. The idea of being happy or fulfilled with work, I'll wager, came with the industrial age. I pinpoint this time as a reasonable assumption because that was when "working" became generally easier because more tasks were automated. Once automation kicked in, it was only then that people had time to start thinking about their lives and their happiness. This is of course with the exception of artists, inventors and others that the society at the time considered weird and derelict. They were living in their own little world feeling special - or persecuted, whichever.

I guess I'm just wondering how people from other generations dealt with occupation-related wanderlust. I imagine they just stuck it out, but additionally, my theoretical grandmothers and grandfathers were pretty much guaranteed their positions for life too. I don't know. I just wondered. I'm on my lunch break and I have that kind of time.

Writers Anonymous

2009-10-03T16:56:00.007-04:00

If you've ever visited a writers' group, you may notice that it appears to be much like what you'd might imagine about the atmosphere at an alcoholic's meeting. A bunch of addicts get together, fueled by caffeine, and talk about their obsession. Importantly, everyone is supportive, everyone gets to talk if they want to and everyone takes great pains to listen to everyone else.

The writers' group that I occasionally join is no different, and deliciously so. We discuss our ideas and how the works make us feel. Isn't that what people with problems do in their meetings? Having never been to one, I imagine that those circles talk to each other in the same way, seasoning their speech with their fears and hopes.

What makes this type of communication style so successful? Is it the exchange of ideas between people that includes their pain and their apprehension about what they are doing in their lives? Is it successful or are we a bunch of bums that like to hear the sound of our own voices talking about our own lives?

I guess it's all in how you look at it.

But this month, I'm happy I got my fix.

Gall-Tripping

2009-09-30T13:43:00.005-04:00

One thing that I am trippin' over today is the absolute gall of some people in the face of absolute and total wrongness.

I will not recount the details of the specific situations in order to protect the acting parties, as well as myself (I just read this article about blogging, identified and anonymously, getting people into professional and sometimes legal trouble).

Suffice to say that I am almost impressed, to the point of seething rage, at some people's commitment to their utter wrongness. Of course I learned long ago and mention often, that people do not usually act in a way that they think is "wrong". In fact, people usually think they're "right". On the off chance that people do think they're wrong, they have usually justified the action due to some other more important circumstance (which they are usually wiling to explain to you ad nauseam). Generally, you, the reader, couldn't possibly understand because some children were in a burning building or someone was dying that x, y and z happened. Now that I think about it, this also leads to a discussion on most people's desire to be understood, frankly the purpose of rhetoric, especially when a subsequent action is involved. But I'll save the communications lecture for another post.

It brings me back to the question I usually have to scream to the universe about once per week: Do assholes know that they're assholes? I know I'm an asshole; I just wonder if others are so self aware. I mean, I wish I could tell you some of garbage I have heard today. Although I suppose, if you're going to be wrong, you might as well go the whole way down the aisle and have "the gall" as well. No point in doing it unless you're going to do it right. The cliche of adding insult to injury comes to mind. The idea of it always cracks me up. I imagine a one person breaking another person's leg and then, in the pause before they turn to leave, spitting on the victim. The offender stands over the now bleeding and spitty victim and looks on with indifference, allowing the victim to realize that s/he has now had insult added to injury.

I mean, the absolute nerve of people sometimes. Can you think of a time when you have exhibited complete gall in the face of total wrongness? What was your excuse? How did you justify your behavior? Did you get punched in the mouth?

Don't worry, you're secret's safe with me. LOL

Is There Repellant for Crazy People?

2009-09-29T14:35:00.003-04:00

Those of you who actually attract crazy people to you, understand the nature of this request. I am a crazy magnet. Crazy and normal folk alike have always felt relatively comfortable talking to me so I find myself in a lot of conversations, generally.

The thing about crazy folks is that, as I'm sure you know, they believe they are perfectly sane. Which has always made me question my own sanity in turn. This person is standing here spewing perfect nonsense to me like it is enlightening and I am nodding my head in agreement, wondering if they realize that I think they're crazy. Of course, the question in this scenario is, well then, who's really crazy?

This morning I encountered my most recent crazy hanger-on. He lives in my neighborhood and unfortunately, has also "happened" to see me going to work as well. Now I am not afraid of his stalker-ish tendencies. One of the many attributes of being young is that despite the news and other bytes of reality, I still believe myself invincible--so if this little interest of his gets out of hand, I'm pretty sure I can take him. But it is somewhat annoying.

This crazy has gone on about his associations with famous people (usually clue number one when someone is bone-crazy) and how they have deceived him in some way. He has also talked at length about his own talent and has completely disassociated my bored and patronizing visage with his conversations.

Usually I find myself hemmed up by circumstances which trap me into a location where I cannot escape from his rants. The first time he saw me descend from the bus on my way home, I kept walking, but it was only a few blocks and I had to make sure that he didn't see where I lived. The next time, the stinger, was when he was on the same bus going to the same neighborhood. This was the occasion that I learned about more of the characters in the ensemble that make up his lunacy. I was trapped on the bus with nowhere to go. Of course I could have gotten off the bus and walked home, but well, he knew vicinity of my residence. While on the bus, he insisted I take a free T-shirt. Of course I refused such an unwanted gift, but I frankly didn't want him to make a scene so I acquiesced. The last time I saw him, I was getting a sandwich at a food trunk (which I had not done in months!) and he jabbered away while I was waiting for my sandwich to be prepared. I think he tried to pay for my sandwich, but my money was already out.

Today, he saw me as I walked down the street and struggled to keep up with me, as my pace on the way to work did not slow or waiver. This man proceeded to follow me all the way to the place of business, into the local sandwich spot and then trailed me as I walked around store gathering my breakfast. He even commented on how he was just following me around. Today he also insisted on paying for my items and got his money out first.

I will ultimately be blamed for allowing him to provide me with gifts, but frankly, there's just so much insane rambling a person can take. So here's the thing, I can deal with the crazies if there was some kind of spray I could put on when I've had enough. It's not that crazies aren't people, they just aren't people that I want to talk to. Insane-Away, or crazellant...it'll take some time to develop but I'm just as committed as any other lunatic.

Credit Card Retards

2009-09-25T13:39:00.003-04:00

Today's rant is brought to you by the reactive anger related to my relationship with credit card companies. I have spent most of my lunch hour and the better part of my morning trying to decide how I planned to reduce my credit card debt. Now this in of itself is not the cause of my anger. Oh no, I have enjoyed several dinners, designer handbags, hotel rooms and at least one fabulous vacation on the backs of my various credit cards. I am one of those people that are fortunate enough to have relatively decent credit. I have yet to meet a credit card or loan that I didn't qualify for. And although that lucious status was coiffed from my mother's good training and keen eye, it has also taken many years of meticulous planning and timely payments to maintain position. Suffice to say, I'm a decent customer.

With the onslaught of the recession though, banks and credit card companies alike have tighten their belts--meaning they've tighten their grip on their money. I received a letter from one such credit card company a few months ago. The letter indicated that they would be raising my interest rates and that I would be agreeing with this manuever if I continued to use the card. If I chose to "opt-out", I could do so, but my rate were still going to increase. My suggestion that the company more thoroughly research the meaning of both the concepts "opt-out" and "choice" went without response.

I protested. I called. I wrote a letter that outlined my utter disgust with this practice. My rates have still increased. I am incensed about this action because I have maintained my accounts with this particular company for several years. I pay my bills on time. Now I haven't used the card for some time and that's because I was paying off a rather large amount. But I am still distressed to find that, in this day and age, that means almost nothing.

How could a credit card company charge its customer's more when they are losing their jobs and funds are more stringent than before? Forget decent business relationships, there is only so much blood in turnips--as in none!

Child Lock to Child Ready?

2009-09-24T12:56:00.004-04:00

This morning during my moment of shower zen, I had a few thoughts about the method teaching my child(ren) about good nutrition, calorie burning and exercise habits.

For reference, shower zen is a term representing all the coherent thoughts I have while taking a shower, usually in the morning. Sometimes I'm planning and rearranging my upcoming day, other times I am playing out a situation practicing talking to the people I will encounter later on. I find this time immensely helpful and a relatively regular occurrence.

Additionally, I think about how I'm going to teach children things all the time. Whether the children in questions are my future ones or just little people in general, I find it grounding to practice explaining complex issues to those with less experience. I like to think of it as communication fitness. The ability to converse in a boardroom and a classroom is immeasurable for those of us who like to have our opinions known.

This is also not the first time that I started thinking about how I would raise my own kids. As you get older though, the more you think about it the more there's an understanding that you may be "ready" to have children. Or at least in this instance, ready to have active children that you hope don't grow up to be too chunky so you have to put them on a crash diet or they have chronic weight problems as an adult because they never quiet got the concept of chocolate cake plus soda does not a decent dinner make. You get the general idea.

I am not, not by a long shot, proposing that I am ready for children. Frankly I think there's no such thing, even for those who really want them and have read all the books and websites about child rearing. I think that childbearing is one of those things that sneaks up on you at some point...or maybe that's just how I know that it'll happen in my life. At any rate, I have been coming continuously closer to the concept that it would be a good idea to have someone with whom I share all this stuff that I know. Of course, I share all the time, but it's different to impart such ideas on people who are just forming their mind around how to think. That part interests me.

Just throwing this out there, but maybe I'm the kind of person that should adopt. I pretty much want to start out on the whole "raising" someone thing after the ball is already rolling. But even saying it that way, I don't know about me raising anyone at all.

Considering that I'm basically describing the little buddy aspect of having children, maybe it's a better idea to just join Big Brothers/Big Sisters and throw my experience at other people's children. Seriously, those of you who actually know me in real life, can you see me with progeny? A small army of tiny minions to do my bidding along with their homework? The possibilities are endless! Ha!

On third thought, ah...yeah. For the sake of all mankind, the child lock is active and in full effect. Click!

Ignorant People

2009-09-19T10:53:00.013-04:00

One question that my counterparts and I asked over and over again is this: Why are people so ignorant and/or rude? The truth is, people don't generally consider themselves rude or inconsiderate people. I think that most people just believe that they are doing what they have to do. If that means that someone else gets trampled in the process, that's unfortunate, but my (the actor's) needs are greater. Further, I think that most people don't even get this far in their thinking; they are just focused on themselves and getting what they need or want. It's a shame in a way but most rude behavior seems to stem from inward absorption.

At the airport early this morning, several people in a traveling group moved in front of my group to go through the security line. Since we paused to take our shoes off, they took that opportunity to slide in front us, saying nothing. I loudly questioned, why did these people here feel the need to get in front of us?

Only one woman out of the 4-5 people that passed us turned to respond to my inquiry. She said that they had to go, as if that reason alone explained everything that my nosy little self needed to know. I continued in response to her, that wow, the least such a person could have done was explain that before taking our place line. The woman offered no further reply but appeared to discuss the matter further with her companion and then move through the line. I can see why she might think my inquiry was rude, but her initial behavior required an explanation. I thought the lack decorum necessitated some kind of feedback. I've tried to stop providing such a response in physical form, no matter how deserving.

You know, cops, legal fees and all that.

Concert Goer, Going, Gone

2009-09-18T23:41:00.000-04:00

Written at 3:28 pm

This morning, I came in at 1:43 am from a concert where some of my favorite hip hop artists were performing. I will exclude their names at this time only because your relationship with your favorite entertainers is much like family and even if you get mad, you just have to get over it eventually because you know you're going to break down and buy their new album.

Anyway, this unusually late return on a school night (read working adult schedule) was not due to the unbelievable rock quality of the talent. No, this event, which started at 8:30pm had dragged on to an intolerable level which require my departure. I left this concert early because it dragged on too long. It broke my heart to do it but I was dead on my feet and had to go to work today. I’m trying to figure out if I have finally and seriously gotten “that old”, whether the standards of entertainment have sunk to all new lows or some of both. Of course I’m sure it’s some of both, but entertainment rituals have got to take some of the blame for this.

My biggest beef with the whole debacle was the four, yes four opening acts that proceeded the main act. As an audience, we were outraged and rightly so. At least 2 of those openers were absolute garbage, one had a hand full of not-making-me-vomit and the last was decent. This of course is only part of the point because I did not pay to see these knuckleheads! Having been a moderate concert-goer, I was of course prepared to put up with some mediocre opening act, perhaps even two. Four of them pushed my tolerance level to a boiling point.

As if that wasn’t enough to make you want to slap the errant teenager that is inevitably rubbing up against you at the venue, the second main act was deliberately late, drawn out and wasted all the hype that the previous acts were designed to maintain. It was an outrage. On the way back to the car, amid several disgruntled concert brethren I might add, I overheard some anonymous individual sum up the final act perfectly—it was like Prince in Purple Rain.

No, the artist did not start humping the floor of the stage and start calling his girlfriend a whore in not so subtle ways. Although I’m sure that was your favorite part of the movie, remember when the club owner was telling the Kid that he was just playing the music for himself? This is the syndrome when the artist acts like s/he is the only one in the room, like all these other people didn’t pay to hear their muse. I thought this random concert attendee was right on—that’s what this hip hop artist sounded like.

And don’t get me wrong, I love the craft so much that I would have listened to the ramblings all night and foregone the several records that I know by heart and hum to myself during the day. I so would have…on a weekend…in a comfortable chair…with undiluted cocktails. More importantly, I would have been down for whateve if I had planned for it. But this little stunt has put me off concert going for a while (as I drag through the rest of my day, hoping I can catch a nap this afternoon).

AntiBloggerGirl - Blog Virgin No More!

2009-09-17T18:17:00.000-04:00

Today I decided to step out of my comfort zone and begin blogging like the rest of the world. Of course, I had so many ideas, all day, and as soon as I sit down to write, I draw a blank. Isn't that always the way?

The point though is that I have many, many ideas when I'm really thinking about them and I think it's finally time to do more of the writing that I so enjoy. I often find myself thinking more and being inspired when I'm around other people that are inspiring and who have done wonderful things with their lives. It makes me remember that I also have the potential to do fabulous things.

Part of the reason that I was never willing to start a blog was because I've read the blogs of other people. Unless there is some specific topic of interest, most people just get on the computer and post meaningless drivle about every thought that passes through their brains. I've often found it downright boring, which I think is blasphemous, as internet sites go. Every fart, of the butt or mind varieties, is not the golden stuff made of dreams that should be shared with all. I'm a firm believer of this. I'm also judgmental. So when I read these things, I wanted no parts of it. I'm uncomfortable doing this because I don't want anyone who happens across this site to say, the same about my rants.

Also, I'm really hating how running a search on a topic will sometimes bring up a blog as if it's fact. So just anyone with a computer and something to say get to write the facts of the world??? Well, on the other hand, people with power have been writing the history and the recognized since the beginning of time so what am I so upset about?

I have to draw my temporary line at the social networking sites for now though. Although I too appreciate the constant contact of my friends, I'm very paranoid about my thoughts, my ideas and all that just being out there. Employers look on those sites; people I don't really want to talk to look at though sites. And isn't that the most important? I have people that I legitimately need to avoid. Of course, I'm over here on the blog as if though same people couldn't read this without my knowledge or permission, but we're taking this baby steps at a time. Bare with me.

More importantly, bare with me because I'm trying something new although it's uncomfortable for me. When's the last time you've done something that was uncomfortable for you? Post a comment and let me know (of course, this post will be forever old by the time you read it because I've told zero people that I've done this). I heard someone say something interesting today---it's important to do something uncomfortable everyday. Often being uncomfortable means that change and growth is taking place. Hmm...so think about how much growth you've been feeling lately.

Or not. You know, whatever.